How to Loose A Guy in 10 Minutes

My neighbor really needs to get his internet fixed – he’s totally cramping my (blog) style...

Annnnnnnd… we’re back!

Last time on “Little Miss Solo” it was discovered that I honestly had no idea what I was doing and how all this “taking a break” business works. I was pretty fearful of breaking a rule, cheating or creating loopholes for myself so I reached out my close friend who works at my Church for a little guidance. Seeing as how she’d never done it before - and not wanting to give ill advice - she promised to direct me towards friends who’d previously gone this route. She knew of a few ladies with experience in this area and thought it would be a good idea to set up a meeting with one of them. Fast forward about 3 weeks – time to meet Linda.

(I feel so Carry Bradshaw sitting here at my desk in front of the window writing this here post)

So I get to my friends house and she’s got cheese!!!  At this point I didn’t even care if Linda showed up or not – as long as the cheese didn’t run out, I was content.  So my gf and I catch up on each others lives while we wait for Linda. Despite the Colby & Jack, I was getting anxious because I was finally going to talk to someone who had been where I was trying to go. I was thirsty for knowledge (and wine). The doorbell rings and I look towards the glass door and all I see is a belly. A big pregnant belly. My first thought… “hmmm… I guess this break thing really works out in the end!”.   Now, I’m in NO WAY trying to have another kid, but the immediate message was that things always work out the way they are supposed to.

After a little small talk we got down to the nitty gritty: boys! Linda started out by asking me if I want to share my story with her. I proceeded to rattle off the super condensed version. “Oh, I was dating someone… It was the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in… It didn’t work out… I’m finally ready to take Andy’s advice…  A year is not so bad…  blink, blink, blink. At this point I’m thinking “Who cares about me, lets get to you!”  because what I already knew about Linda was that she met a guy while she was on her break that she eventually married and became her baby daddy.  I wanted to know details on how she accomplished this while still remaining true to her vow to not date for a year.  Because quite honestly, the part I fear the most is meeting the right person during this time and either scaring him away or trying to transform a friendship into a relationship. (And truth be told… I’m already feeling like there may be someone I’m interested in. RME @ myself) Oy vey!

I didn’t know if I was supposed to shun all men. Play the friendship card. Lay down all the rules and regulations right after my response to “So, whats you’re name?”  Withhold details until x amount of days. What was a date, what wasn’t? What if I pay for my own tab – that’s not a date, right? Do I need to set up some guardrails? What the hell am I doing?!?!?!

Lucky for me, Linda was a fantastic story teller! She provided me with a lot of background  which really provided the framework as to why she decided to take the year off to begin with. We had a lot in common  which really helped me relate to her – it made me feel so much better to know she wasn’t an Ultra Christian who did no wrong and had a perfect past . A lot of the reasons why we both ended up making the same choice is because we shared some of the same story. Not only was she able to provide a backdrop, but she was also able to let me know how she dealt with challenges she faced during those 365 days. Linda referenced a plethora of books and audio that helped during her break. She, like I, sought the counsel of an individual who took a year off (which actually turned into 5 years off... Ummmm, no thanks!) who was able to offer her some extremely solid advice.

The most interesting aspect of her story is how she met and dealt with the relationship of her future husband. If I remember correctly, she met him about 7 months in,  was upfront about what she was doing with her life and he understood. Their friendship developed via email, myspace and while running into each other at different Church events.  As time went on she began to realize she was interested in him, and he in her.  This is where I feel like I’ll get tripped up so I made sure to pay attention to this part. And basically what I gathered is this girl stuck to her guns – exactly what I needed to hear. Seriously! I didn’t want to get any idea it was ok to compromise your beliefs or your mission to gain what it is you think you want.  It was great confirmation to hear that even though she was feeling a certain type way, she made a promise that she planned to keep. I loved it! And I even more loved the fact that she stayed true and STILL got what she desired. Amen sistah, Amen!!!

Linda and I shared a lot in common so my friend couldn’t have picked a better person to introduce me too.  I think my biggest take-a-way from that meeting was the traffic signal example she shared from a book she read while on her journey. During this timeframe, you have to recognize relationships with men as follows:

Green Men = Attraction. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to another person or noticing a man is good looking. I don’t care who I’m with or what week of 52 it is, if I saw Idris Elba in Wal-Mart… I’m attracted. Period. As long as I’m not acting on my attraction, I’m good.  My eyes aren’t broken or on a break – no harm, no foul.

Yellow Men = Expressing affection and emotional arousal.  After seeing Idris in Wal-Mart and noticing him looking at peanut butter, if I were to stand alongside of him and say “You know, I make a mean PB&J on white… I can whip you up one right here in aisle 3. It’s no problem!  And if you like, I can run to the over to the dairy section and grab some milk, it’s really no problem. Oh,  I wrote you a poem, would you like to hear it?!?!” Now we’re getting into the yellow zone.

Red Men= Emotional connection.  This Wal-Mart scenario probably looks a little something like this: Me slamming my cart into his, offering to do ANYTHING to make it up to him while batting my eyes, slipping him my number (and address with a Google Maps print out) while making sure to add that we should go somewhere “a little more private” so I can slip into something more comfortable…  *wink*

If nothing else this helped me the most. Especially now where I’m feeling a bit of a tug towards a certain someone. Already. It’s too early for this!!! And, Linda reminded me about holidays - I flippin’ love holidays. That is the best time to have someone special.  I’ll really need to lean towards my friends and family this year for sure.  So ANYWAY… it was a great meeting and Linda gave me exactly what I was looking for – a great story. Awesome insight. Much needed direction. And a fantastic guardrail to lean on. Thanks girl!

Be back later. I’m headed to Wal-Mart.